Barkonicousimagous – “The barking disease”

Rhys Argust, Social Media Representative

A new pandemic is on the horizon and at first glance is one that doesn’t seem out of the ordinary, however, this disease breeds monsters among us.

Barkonicousimagous – also known as “the barking disease”, has created a new human-wolf hybrid species. The first symptom of the barking disease is uncontrollable barking.

At this stage, there is no chance of recovery from the transition. The infected person is no longer deemed human, but rather a full-blown werewolf.
This new variant of werewolf, contrary to legend, is diurnal (only awake during the daytime). The disease seemingly came from a rabid dog’s DNA mixing with the unlaid eggs of a female tick, which feast on humans.

Unfortunately, this plague is highly transmissible and has found a hotspot right here at Neshaminy High School. It has affected many students and teachers alike, filling the hallways with incessant barks heard from across the school.
While many have lost themselves to this epidemic, you can still save yourself.

Wearing a banana peel on your head and hissing like a cat are just two of the ways to guard yourself from this malignant disease. Stay protected and stay away from the new hybrid werewolves. When you hear barking, your only option is to run in the opposite direction!